So the saying goes. But you can choose your friends, your neighbors and your community. I'm lucky that I happen to have a wonderful family about whom I care very much. It just so happens that many of them live much farther away than the friends, neighbors and community members with whom I share space, restaurants, sidewalks, roads and cultural events.
On a recent visit to one family outpost in Southern California, my cousin-while struggling to wrangle an energetic 3-year-old and a wily 13-month-old-stopped for a moment and said, "You know, I love the family, but everyone is so spread out. I wish sometimes we could pick out people from the neighborhood like, 'Ted, you could be honorary grandpa' and 'Sonya, you can be an aunt.' You know?"
I do know, even though I'm hardly in her position of ad-exec-turned-mommy. Our family has a wonderfully broad net that stretches from New York to California with stops in Nevada, Ohio, Indiana, Washington, D.C. and, sometimes, Africa and the Middle East.
Many young professionals and young families these days find themselves transient and relocating-nationally and internationally-to find work and inspiration. In the place where the traditional family once was, new networks of support must be sought out and established.
That's why those people with whom you interact on a daily basis-your neighbors-are so important. Yes, the real estate adage is true, it's all about location, location, location. But there's more to it. If only there was a guide to neighbors, neighbors, neighbors. Where are the ones that always have sugar? The ones that also have kids the same age? The ones that have kids old enough to mow your yard? The ones who will pick up your mail, chase your dog, share your meals and make memories with you?
I'll never forget growing up on Windsong Lane and running through the vast and relatively unfenced playland that was the combined backyard of the Sabatinos, the Owens and the Stouts. Between us, we had everything. My dad had built a killer swingset and the Stouts had a pool. We had sufficient siblings to create a family big enough to play lots of great games, but with enough separation that we usually only hated the siblings we had to go home with at the end of the night.
Each summer the families would gather along with a few others from the neighborhood for a weekend-long "Clam bake." It was and is exactly what I think of when I think of good neighbors and how neighbors should spend time together.
There were pool games, diving sticks, tag, lightning bugs, movies and food. Oh, the food. Homemade crackers and crab dip. Live lobsters boiled and served with drawn butter. Messy, summer finger foods and desserts of fresh berries. So much activity and food that once the quests for adventure and cuisine have been sated, the sleep is heavenly and undisturbed-until the next morning.
I will always remember those summers through the lens of my childhood, but I reflect on them now with the perspective of an adult. And I hope that I can have-and be-that kind of neighbor.