I love when farmers cultivate their grammar.
Last month, I received a note from Ann Stone of Elmwood Stock Farm. Ann spends much of each summer selling organic vegetables, meats and other foods at the Lexington Farmers Market. She wrote to me to ask what she should say to the hundreds of people who greet her each morning with the question, “How are you doing?”
Ann wrote: “We hear people respond with fine, good, OK, I am well, doing well. I would like us to respond correctly when asked.”
Well, Ann, if you’re focused on grammar, the correct response to “How are you doing?” is “I’m doing well,” or simply, “Well.” But our response to “How are you doing?” is not primarily a grammatical issue. It’s a cultural one. The question almost never demands an actual accounting of the current quality of your life. It’s simply another way of saying, “Hey.”
Given this, here are some possible responses — and their likely meaning — that you might hear when you say to someone, “How are you doing?”
“Good. How are you?” This is grammatically incorrect (unless the person means to say that he or she is doing good deeds in the world). But the response is short, simple and — with the comeback question at the end — polite.
“Very well, thank you.” This is grammatically correct, and it indicates that the person is both proper and having a particularly good day — or wants you to think so.
“Surviving.” This person is fi shing for a conversation. Determine your stamina quotient.
“Not so well. Last week, my dog started throwing up blood, so I took him to the vet. We waited two hours in the pet emergency room, and by then, Rover was losing fluids from almost every orifice, and then …” This person has a sick dog and an extraordinary need. Unless you have time and angelic qualities, move on to the next customer. And just say, “Hey.”
Neil Chethik, aka the Grammar Gourmet, is executive director of the Carnegie Center for Literacy and Learning (www.carnegiecenterlex. org) and author of “FatherLoss” and “Voice- Male.” The Carnegie Center off ers writing classes and seminars for businesses and individuals. Contact Chethik at neil@carnegiecenterlex.org or 859-254-4175.