“Shopping at it’s best!” “Businesse’s open as usual!” “Do not you’s the toilet’s!”
I usually think of apostrophes as friendly little critters, leading me kindly through sentences while keeping them short. But the above examples – posted by actual businesses – show us just how hostile apostrophes can be.
There are two basic situations in which to use an apostrophe. These do not include tossing the little curlicue into the middle of a plural noun (businesse’s?) or creating a bastardized spelling of a common word (you’s!).
The first reason to employ an apostrophe is to turn a noun into a possessive. Start with the noun: dog, table, Susie. If any of these possess something – if something belongs to him, her or it – you simply add an apostrophe and an s, in that order. The bone of a dog becomes a dog’s bone; the ear of Susie turns into Susie’s ear.
If the noun in question is plural (dogs, tables, Susies), you make it possessive by adding an apostrophe after the noun’s final s. The bones of the dogs becomes the dogs’ bones; the surfaces of the tables turns into the tables’ surfaces.
The second reason to use an apostrophe is to show the reader where you have removed a letter or two and created a contraction. I am becomes I’m. Could have becomes could’ve.
There are other situations when an apostrophe is appropriate (e.g., mind your p’s and q’s; I was born in the ’50s), but these are occasional. Beyond the two rules above, it’s most important to know when NOT to use an apostrophe. Do not use one with a possessive pronoun – whose, his, hers, its, yours – because those words already are in possessive form. This is especially confusing with its and whose because both have sound-alike words that include apostrophes: it’s and who’s. It’s and who’s are contractions for it is and who is, so they have apostrophes to indicate that letters have been dropped.
Most importantly, do not use an apostrophe to pluralize a noun. Toilet’s is not a plural. It never rains cat’s and dog’s. And businesse’s? That’s not a plural; it’s a catastrophe.
Neil Chethik, aka the Grammar Gourmet, is executive director of the Carnegie Center for Literacy and Learning (www.carnegiecenterlex. org) and author of “FatherLoss” and “Voice- Male.” The Carnegie Center offers writing classes and seminars for businesses and individuals. Contact Chethik at neil@carnegiecenterlex.org or 859-254-4175.