The Bluegrass Death Doula aims to provide comfort and guidance for the dying and their loved ones
While it has become fairly common to hear about people hiring a doula to help guide them through the birthing process, the option of having a professional to guide us through the end-of-life is something out of the ordinary. But an increasing number of end-of-life doulas, or death doulas, have been emerging in recent years. Their goal is to provide emotional and practical support for people who are dying as well their families and loved ones.
Lauren Hunter-Smith, founder and owner of the Lexington-based business Bluegrass Death Doula, says she has found death to be a topic people shy away from. Even though it’s one of life’s universal experiences, people often find it uncomfortable to talk about or even consider.
She has always felt differently.
“I’ve always been death curious,” she said. “When I was looking at colleges, I was drawn to mortuary school, but at that time funeral homes were still mainly family businesses.”
Instead, Hunter-Smith studied biology and painting at the University of Kentucky, then joined the Peace Corps in Benin, West Africa, as a women’s health advocate. That experience helped cement a longstanding interest and passion in how we understand and approach death.
“I learned a lot about life and death while I was there, because they are so much closer to it than us,” she said recalling a story about a particularly revelatory experience.
Hunter-Smith’s ultimate goal with her business is to help families say goodbye to a loved one in a way that feels right to them. Photo by Emily Giancarlo
“One day, a colleague and I were riding our bikes, and we saw two men off in the distance next to a huge fire,” she said. “We got closer, and they offered us a drink. While standing there, my colleague grabbed my arm and said, ‘Lauren, that’s an arm!’ That’s when we realized this was a funeral pyre, and these men were just hanging out, having a drink and disposing of a friend. It was just part of their day.”
During her time in Benin, Hunter-Smith was also struck by the strong reverence for life that she encountered in that community. “An elderly woman passed away in my concession and they played drums for 90 days non-stop in her honor,” she recalled.
After her Peace Corps experience, Hunter-Smith went on to work in higher education, museum education and other service industries. But during the pandemic, after losing her job, she seized an opportunity to pursue her interest in end-of life care. She signed up for an online death doula training program that was offering scholarships specifically for people who had been laid off.
“That made it possible for me to pursue this,” she said.
The mission of Bluegrass Death Doula is to offer comprehensive death education and planning services that support and enrich the end-of-life experience. Hunter-Smith is trained in aromatherapy and sound therapy, which can provide comfort to a dying person, and is an ordained celebrant, which allows her to act as an officiant. Most importantly, her mission is to normalize conversations about death and help people become educated about and more comfortable with death.
Hunter-Smith said her clients, who are typically in their 30s and 40s, often approach her initially for their own advanced care directives. That conversation often turns into a catalyst for her clients to have a conversation with their aging parents about doing funeral planning together.
“There’s a generational difference in how we talk about these subjects,” she said. “The older generation is not as comfortable talking about death and dying, so their adult children are often the ones broaching the subject and encouraging conversation.”
Other services she offers include assisting with legacy projects, comfort therapy and home funeral education, where she teaches how to care for a loved one’s body at home.
“I encourage people to do legacy projects where they create something by which others can remember them. It gives people time to create thoughtful memories,” she said.
“Comfort therapy” is the act of comforting dying people. It also entails educating families on what to expect in those final moments and steps they should take after a family member dies.
“People tend to shy away because they are uncomfortable or don’t know how to interact with a person who is actively dying,” she said.
Another passion of Hunter-Smith’s is educating people about natural burial options. With natural burials, the body is not embalmed and is buried at three-and-a-half feet instead of six feet so there’s still oxygen with the atmosphere to aid decomposition. Natural burials also require a biodegradable container such as a cotton shroud, a cardboard cremation box or a wooden box made without any metal fixtures or fasteners.
Educating families about non-traditional funeral and burial options — including home funerals and nautral cemeteries — is part of Hunter-Smith’s offerings through Bluegrass Death Doula. Photo by Emily Giancarlo
“The whole idea is you are going to decompose and rejoin the earth rather than remain in an underground vault,” she continued.
Natural burials are gaining in popularity for those who want a different, more organic and eco-friendly experience.
“A big part of it is not leaving a lasting impact on the environment. But there’s also a spiritual component where you are literally rejoining the earth,” she said.
Not all cemeteries allow for natural burials, but Hunter-Smith noted four natural burial grounds in the region that she’s familiar with. While some, including Pisgah Presbyterian Church, Walnut Hill Church and the Nature Preserve at the Loretto Motherhouse, are reserved only for church members or those who have a specific connection to the community, Lawrenceburg’s Windy Knoll Memorial Sanctuary is one that’s open to the public. Windy Knoll is the natural burial ground that Hunter-Smith has worked with most closely. It allows for natural burials or scattering of ashes for both human and animal remains.
While she acknowledged that there are reasons people might be uncomfortable with the concept of natural burials, it’s something she hopes will shift as education and understanding about it grows. She sees an important part of her job as helping people understand the full picture when it comes to end-of-life options. But ultimately, she views her job as a way to help people grieve and say goodbye to their person in a way that feels right.
“I can tell when I’ve helped a family. It makes a big difference and people have a better experience. When people have these conversations and have support to get through the process, it makes a huge impact on the experience for both the dying person and their loved ones.
“I can help people make it a more comfortable and beautiful experience,” she said. “Grief is horrible, but avoiding the idea doesn’t help any of us process.”