The Southsider is pleased to introduce a new voice. Terra Ramsdale is a mom who puts her family first, whether she is ensuring her families health through nutritious meals, creating unique activities or researching educational aspects of schools. She keeps the best resources at hand to make the best possible life for her family-and, now, yours.
Hillary Clinton said it best when she titled her book "It Takes a Village to Raise a Child." This African proverb holds truth to the dynamics of raising your child in today's society.
Society no longer defines "family" as the typical mom, dad, 2.5 children with a white picket fence. The adaptation of "nuclear family" creates families that consist of same sex parents, adopted children, single parents, step parents, live-in grandparents and even more complex domestic situations.
As a single mom who is in a relationship with my daughter's father, yet lives in a separate house, believe me when I say we put the function in dysfunctional, a concept that I have grown accustomed to since I was 4. Growing up with divorced parents who remarried and divorced again, I lived in a multitude of domestic situations. To me this was normal. To my friendsÖnot so much. Though I believe the many facets of my childhood prepared me for the life that lay ahead for me.
I will never forget the emotional rollercoaster on which I found myself in October of 2005. The test said positive and I was not. I knew a child, my child, was a blessing and I could not believe she was on her way into my life. At Thanksgiving time the father and I shared the joyful news with our families. Being in a relationship for a little over a year and unmarried, the news was met with mixed emotions. Though the overlying theme was the belief that "we" as an extended family would make the perfect world for this baby to be raised. The "we" did not refer solely to the dad and me; it encompassed aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandparents and even my boyfriend's son from a previous relationship. The "we" was our village.
My domestic situation differs from many others and I have truly relied on my village to help me in the growth of my daughter. But who is to say that because I am a single mom that is why I am dependent on a village, and that a family with married parents is not? It seems that only a person who is unaware of the world would disregard the help of a village. I don't want to discredit those parents who do not have the resources of extended family because that would be selfish of me. Villages can be friends, neighbors, community leaders and any other human being that has the best interest of the child at heart. You can look left, right, above and under to find your village. The key is to trust and rely on those around you to help you raise your children in the best possible way you see fit.
I am not an expert; I did not get my degree in child psychology or sociology. I am just a parent giving my daughter everything within my realm of possibilities. I want to improve upon the life I had and instill into her the morals I was raised with.
As a parent I have times where I feel I have failed. I have times where I feel alone. But I come back to a saying that my mother gave me as I embarked on this journey of motherhood:
"Our family is a circle of strength and love. With every birth and every union, the circle grows. Every joy shared adds more love. Every crisis faced together makes the circle stronger."
I have learned that the best resources a parent can use are found through other parents. I hope this column can be a forum to share thoughts and insights on family values. As reader and writer, together we can expand our villages to include each other, and in this we can grow as parents and families.