How Mindset Shifts Can Help Us Survive Quarantine Fatigue

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Therapist and coach Missy Ammerman. Photo furnished

As we enter month five of social distancing as a result of COVID-19, the side effects of the pandemic continue to affect us — even those who haven’t had firsthand exposure to the illness. If you’re experiencing anxiety, depression or quarantine fatigue, you’re not alone. Nothing increases anxiety more than uncertainty, and this virus has caused uncertainty at every turn. We still don’t know when a vaccine will be available. We don’t exactly know what school is going to look like in the fall. We don’t know which businesses will survive and which ones will end up closing permanently. What about the stock market? Will I, or someone I know, get sick? With so many unknowns, it’s completely normal to feel worried right now. If we can learn to manage that worry, we can experience greater peace, reduced anxiety and a better mood.

When the world feels unpredictable and out of control, it’s easy to feel powerless, which, for many people, is one of the scariest feelings imaginable. When we feel like we don’t have control over a situation, we tend to either look for things that we can control, or we experience “learned helplessness.” Learned helplessness is basically the phenomenon that when we feel we don’t have control over our situation, we give up and behave in a helpless manner.

One thing that we do have control over, however, is our thoughts. Our thoughts create our reality, and we can create an emotion by thought alone.  Think about a memory that triggered a strong emotion. As we think about that memory, we feel the same feelings we experienced at the time of the actual event. For example, when you think back to a happy memory of a fun vacation with friends, you may feel happy, calm or sentimental. You may notice a change in your body, as well. When we experience those feelings mentally as emotions, we also experience them in our bodies. Your shoulders may relax, tension may escape – perhaps you will even smile to yourself.

Contrast that with a traumatic memory. Thinking back to hearing bad news about a loved one may trigger feelings of sadness, grief or despair. Our chest may tighten, we may feel butterflies in our stomach or we may even get a headache.

If we apply that same principle to how we are thinking about the pandemic, we can change the way we feel about it and, in turn, reduce our anxiety. For example, if you think the thoughts: “This is the worst pandemic in history. I’m never going to be able to return to work! I could blow through all my savings.” You have no alternative but to feel worried, hopeless and depressed. Your thoughts caused all of those feelings. When we feel worried, hopeless and depressed, we act worried, hopeless and depressed. That impacts how we behave in the world, how we treat ourselves and how we treat others.

We may withdraw from our friends and loved ones, stop taking care of ourselves or find ourselves sleeping all day. Again, these behaviors all originated from our thoughts.

Let’s contrast those scary thoughts with more optimistic thoughts. What if we think: “A vaccine is in the works, and in the meantime I can protect myself and others by social distancing and wearing a mask. This is not the first pandemic in history and it will eventually come to an end. I have survived 100 percent of all the crises I’ve faced in my life.” Those thoughts invoke feelings of increased confidence, hopefulness about the future and peace. Our circumstances did not change. We only changed our thoughts about our circumstances, which in turn changed our feelings. Remember, we create our own suffering through the stories we tell ourselves about our circumstances. French philosopher Michel de Montaigne said: “A man is not hurt so much by what happens, as by his opinion of what happens.” We get to choose our opinion.

Ask yourself, “How do I want to feel?” You may say, “I’d like to feel confident, relaxed and cheerful.” What thoughts do you need to think in order to bring on that feeling state?

As a result of changing our thoughts, our behaviors will also change. We will likely be more patient with ourselves and our family. We will be kinder to those around us and we will have more energy and motivation. When we improve our thoughts, we improve our feelings, behaviors and results.   

Be aware of how your emotional state affects your body. Many of us are so disconnected from our bodies that we are unaware of how stress affects our physical health. Pay attention to the cues your body is giving you – the sensations in your body often speak to you about your emotions. Physical symptoms such as back pain, high blood pressure or an upset stomach may actually be rooted in poor emotional health.

In addition to feelings of anxiety and depression, many of us are experiencing “quarantine fatigue” or “caution fatigue.” This phenomenon happens when our motivation to comply with rules and safeguards wanes as a result of prolonged stress and weariness. In the beginning, we may have been eager to adhere to social distancing rules in an effort to control the spread of the virus, but as the months drag on we just feel “over it.” We grow more lax about guidelines and make our own exceptions to the rules as the stress of being separated from friends wears on us. The benefits of breaking the rules seem to outweigh the risks. As the urgency to protect ourselves and others wears off, we may feel annoyed that we’re expected to comply with the rules. Caution fatigue can occur when there is a decreased sensitivity to repeated warnings. Our brains are no longer processing these warnings as imperative. The mixed information and differing opinions about what is actually effective in slowing the spread of the pandemic only compounds things.

On July 10, Governor Andy Beshear announced a 30-day statewide mask mandate for Kentucky in response to a spike in cases – a spike in which I think it’s safe to say quarantine fatigue played a role. No matter what your opinion is about the rules and mandates, we all want this to be over. We want a return to ordinary.

In fact, ordinary sounds pretty extraordinary right now. 

Offering both therapy and coaching services, Missy Ammerman has 20 years of experience helping clients struggling with anxiety, depression and relationship problems. She has a private practice located in Dudley Square.