Lexington, KY - Parents of gay and lesbian children don't stop loving their kids, according to Sandy Linville, president of PFLAG Lexington, but many have concerns about the ramifications their children's decisions may have as they progress through life. That's natural; parents worry about any important decision their children make.
The Lexington chapter of PFLAG, an acronym that stands for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, will soon be celebrating their one-year anniversary. Sandy, whose daughter, Audrey, a senior at Dunbar, came out while still in middle school, felt that a local version of the organization, which acts as a parental support group, would be beneficial for the community -
parents could get together and talk about relevant issues they may be facing, from avoiding damaging family breakdowns to dating, in a respecting, and accepting, environment.
The confidential group meets once a month at various locations around town. Visit www.pflaglex.blogspot.com for more information, including when the next meeting is scheduled.
Sandy, her husband, Mike, and Audrey -
Copperfield neighbors -
took a moment to talk about their family relationships and PFLAG.
How long did you realize you were gay, Audrey, before you came out?
Audrey: I realized I was gay in the sixth grade. I came out the summer before my eighth grade, so two years. My mom was the first person I came out to, aside from my girlfriend at the time.
That's a young age to come out to your family. What prompted your decision?
Audrey: My girlfriend was out with her family. I was jealous, I saw what she had with her parents -
her parents still loved her and everything -
I wanted that. It's a part of your life that you're hiding; it's not something you talk about everyday in conversations, but it's something I would constantly think about: I want to tell my mom. Whenever we would have a conversation, there would be this barrier in my mind that said, "I'm gay, she doesn't know this." I felt like I was hiding a part of me.
How did you all react to Audrey's decision?
Mike: I thought since it was such a young age, she was just trying to figure out who she was, and as she got older it would straighten itself out - whatever decision that was. It didn't really bother me that she was feeling like she was gay, it bothered me that it was such a young age. And it bothered me because I knew her friends and classmates would not understand. That's a lot to take on.
Sandy: When she came out, she was a lesbian and I was the mother of a lesbian. Now I am a mother involved with her life, which is in a GLBT community. We're not in the straight community and she's in the gay community.
When did you begin thinking about starting a PFLAG in Lexington?
Sandy: I never knew PFLAG existed. I remember when I came to the realization that this was in my life, that it wasn't circling my life, I was lying in bed trying to think of an acronym for a group I could start.
I had no idea what I was getting involved in, but it was good to do it because I had such a fresh perspective to do it. And I still think I have a fresh face for people that might be struggling. There's a core group of people who come, probably five or six of us, and then some other parents. It's really important that we get more males involved - seeing a dad there speaks volumes.
Our three main mission points are: support, educate and advocate. When you're small, like we are, you really focus on support. We're still trying to get parents to know that we are here.
How are you reaching out to the community? Does PFLAG Lexington use any social media tools?
Sandy: Yes. I made a profile on Facebook.
Audrey: She didn't know anything about Facebook.
Sandy: That's not true.
Mike: She's learning.
Do you welcome all parents, regardless of their children's sexual orientation, to PFLAG?
Sandy: We invite, strongly, parents of straight children. Straight supporters actually impact the non-straight supporters. What we like to teach any supporter is how to be supportive and what kind of things you can do in your community, what kind of things you can say to somebody who says being gay is wrong.