Ellen Calipari. Photo by Emily Giancarlo and Bradley Quinn
Ellen Calipari has brought new meaning to the term “trash talk.”
While it usually refers to banter intended to rile one’s opponent, the trash talk from the wife of University of Kentucky men’s basketball coach John Calipari focuses on a topic many of us can relate to: the division of household chores, specifically who’s taking out the trash at her house. On her popular Instagram account (@cal_mrs), she often posts images of a certain pair of containers – deemed by one follower as “the most famous trashcans in Kentucky” – waiting forlornly: They may or may not make it to the curb, depending on whether her husband (jokingly referred to as “roommate”) is in town or remembers it’s trash night.
There’s a fair amount of good-natured trolling going on with the faux drama that Ellen Calipari stirs up on her social media account, and her 50,000 followers can’t get enough. It’s all an ongoing joke between the two about the inconsistency of Coach Cal’s availability for household chores given the time he spends on the road, recruiting or traveling with the team during the season. Ellen Calipari also gets a kick out of faithfully imitating her daughter Erin’s Instagram posts, with matching poses and outfits.
The mother of three says a touch of sarcasm and being able to laugh with each other is part of the glue that keeps the family close.
“This is our kind of wit and humor,” she laughingly explained. “We all do it to each other. It’s all in good fun.”
Before her Instagram page became a runaway hit, Ellen Calipari largely stayed behind the scenes, preferring to fly under the radar.
“I’m not interested in attracting the same attention that John attracts,” she said. “I always saw my job as being there for my children, so my focus stayed there.”
As family friend George Cox said, “In a family where trophies are filling the closets, she could add to the pile if they gave one for ‘Best Supporting Wife and Mother.’”
Though she counts gardening and woodworking among her favorite hobbies, Ellen Calipari – whom the players usually refer to as “Mrs. Cal” or “Mama Cal” – is quick to point out that she sees her children as her masterpiece. The Caliparis have two daughters – Erin is a neuroscientist researching addiction at Vanderbilt, and Megan is a successful pastry chef and small business owner in Boston – and one son, former UK basketball player Brad, who is now a grad student and basketball player at the University of Detroit Mercys. Mom said she’s happy to hear about her children’s daily lives and enjoys visiting each of them.
“I like still getting to know my kids’ friends, and they’re pretty good at letting me be part of their lives,” she said. “It’s fun to watch them be adults.”
When talking about her daily life, this creative and down-to-earth mother, Instagram phenom and “roommate” said that it’s ultimately more low key and “normal” than people might think.
“I grew up in a rural town, and a lot of that has stuck with me. When you become a public figure, people don’t see you as normal anymore,” she said. “We are very normal – sometimes I worry that we are disappointingly normal!”
Not a chance.
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Ellen Calipari has taken a strong role in the lives of the players whom her husband, University of Kentucky men’s basketball coach John Calipari, coaches. Above, she chats with freshman Khalil Whitney following Media Day. Photo by Chet White, UK Athletics
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University of Kentucky basketball fan Drake paid his respects to Mrs. Cal during Big Blue Madness in 2017. Photo by Michael Reaves, UK Athletics
Ellen Calipari recently took a few moments to answer some questions from writer Celeste Lewis.
Tell me a little about your family and upbringing. I have two brothers and one sister. I’m from rural Missouri, Lake of the Ozarks country. I grew up in a town of like 900 people – there were only 40 in my graduating class. Everyone knew everyone in my hometown. My dad was on the school board and my mom worked at the school, which of course made it hard to get away with anything, but I was a good girl. A rule follower!
What is a favorite childhood memory? Spending time at my paternal grandparents’ house. They had a farm. I have fond memories of family dinners there where we all gathered; even my maternal grandmother joined us. During those visits to the farm, we rode tractors and we got to swim in the lake.
Your Instagram is super entertaining. How did you get started? I have to say from watching my kids on social media. They all have great senses of humor, and it was fun to see what they were doing. My daughter Megan helped me set up my Instagram and helped me make my first post. It kind of took off from there. My daughters kind of threw me under the bus because they talked up my Instagram and word started to spread and it grew.
How does Coach Cal feel about being the subject of some of your posts? We are all a family of good sports. It has really opened an avenue for me to fight back! We love a good sarcastic banter. It’s all in good fun. John says that everywhere he goes, people want to talk about the Instagram posts and he says he’s getting tired of it!
Where did you and Coach Cal meet? We met at the University of Kansas. When I arrived, he had already been there a year [as assistant coach]. I was coming from small town Missouri, and he was a sharp-dressed preppy – he had tassels on his loafers! We were so different. I had a job in the athletic department as an account clerk. One of my jobs was to pay all the bills for the athletic department (all done on a typewriter!), and he came into the office to drop off expense reports. He had a good sense of humor, which is very important, and he wasn’t bad to look at. Our first date was a Royals game that got rained out, so we just talked the whole date. We realized what opposites we are, but it’s worked.
What are some of your early memories of motherhood? Some of the early days and moves were tough, but at the same time, it has made my kids great at meeting new people and adjusting – good skills to have in life. I raised my own kids and cleaned my own house. The kids learned to pick up after themselves. I have memories of when John was a young coach and the girls were little [before Brad was born]. We would always dress up for games. I can remember carrying my girls or holding on to their hands and trudging into games in a dress and heels. We got no preferential parking, so it was always a trek from the parking lot sometimes in rain or ice. I would be by myself and holding on to the girls, and sometimes they would fall asleep at the games no matter how loud it was. Even though relocating is part of a coach’s life, some of the early moves were tough, but we learned ways to make it easier. Luckily John brings most of his staff with him, so it’s families moving with families. It helps.
What about parenthood now? I really try to give the kids their own space. I do try to know their friends still, and of course, I want to know about their lives. My kids have always been good about me being in their lives and letting me be around them and their friends. I try to be involved but not to be intrusive at the same time. I learned that from my mother.
Woodworking is a longtime hobby of Ellen Calipari’s. Inspired by a magazine photo that she saw, she constructed this coffee table –which doubles as a trunk – a couple of years ago. Photo by Emily Giancarlo and Bradley Quinn
How did your foray into woodworking get started? Can you tell me about some of your favorite projects? My brother worked with wood. He is a more refined carpenter than I am, but that’s how I got started. I began doing small woodcrafts, like ornaments that my girls painted. I still have the small hearts they painted when we lived in Massachusetts when John was coaching there. I see things in magazines that motivate or inspire me and I think, “I can make that” – I’m self-taught and I have learned as I go. I saw a coffee table in a magazine and made it for our home and I saw a console table at Pottery Barn I really liked, and was inspired to make one. I like all the stages of making something myself. It’s a lifelong passion.
What was your early move to Lexington like? John was the house hunter. He moved first and found the house, then he was set. He had staff in place, colleagues, a team. He’s usually already met lots of people and has stuff going by the time we get moved. I stayed behind to get packed and let the kids finish the school year. Then, you know, there’s stuff like you have to find a dentist and the grocery and the school. It takes a while to get settled. This has been the longest we have lived somewhere.
What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud? My friend George Cox is hilarious. It was probably something he said – he makes me laugh all the time. He’s adventurous. He once arranged for us to have a ride-along with the police. We were called to the scene of a shooting at one point! I found it all extremely informative and interesting. I don’t think people realize what the police deal with all the time.
What would be on the menu at a family feast? We’d probably have my mom’s beef brisket, potatoes and baked beans. We like picnic food. My daughter Megan is a vegan, so we would have to do something different too! I like to bake more than cooking, so also chocolate chip cookies and brownies.
What are you doing when you feel most yourself? Working outside in my yard planting flowers or woodworking or walking. I grew up spending a lot of time outside.
What is something about you that would surprise people? I cut my own hair. I have figured out how to do it, and I have gotten pretty good at it.
What is something you can’t leave home without? My phone. It’s my lifeline to my kids!
What is your go-to advice you pass along to your kids and the student athletes who come into your life through basketball? Help each other along the way. Be accepting of people and don’t judge.
Photo by Chet White, UK Athletics